Solutions to Family-probs: Turning Filth into Fragrance

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How to be conscious by the enlightened...  

The family is a cocoon where whether you like it or not, you have to be with these people for a certain period of time. Either you make this a bitter experience, or you learn to transcend your likes and dislikes. Let’s say there are certain aspects of your husband that you hate. If after some time, you say, “He’s like that – it’s okay,” he has not changed, but you transcended your dislike for a particular type of behavior or whatever else it was that bothered you about him. If you become bitter or you resign, in the sense of “There is no other way – I have to put up with them,” all the pain and struggle of being with people will be wasted. But if you say, “Yes, this is how they are, but it is okay with me. Let me go on with these people joyfully,” you consciously transcend.    

When you transcend your likes and dislikes, unknowingly, you become conscious. Unknowingly, you turn spiritual, which is the best way to turn spiritual. Not by saying, “I am going to take a spiritual path” but because as a life, you became conscious enough to transcend your limitations, likes and dislikes and you turned spiritual, without attaching the word “spiritual” to it. The best way to become spiritual is to consciously evolve to a point where you are not compulsorily reactive anymore. A family is a good place for you to train yourself towards that. You are not trapped in this forever. Whatever kind of family you live in, it is only for a certain period of time. You must use this period of time to transcend your likes and dislikes.    

If people around you do not agree with you, you are in a very good place. I always tell people in the ashram, “Choose someone that you cannot stand and learn to work with them, joyfully. It will do wonders to you.” If you choose to be with someone you like, you will become compulsive to be only with those sorts of people. Family is not the problem, your wanting to be with what you like is the problem. Don’t choose what you like. See how to make what is there wonderful. What comes to you is not your business. What you make out of it is your business.   

People say things like, “Oh, it’s a gorgeous day” or “It’s a bad day,” depending on the weather. Just because there are clouds, it is not a bad day. Leave the weather to nature. One day sun, another day clouds, one day rain, another day snow – it’s all right. If it’s sunny, you go bare-chested; if it’s raining, you go with a raincoat; if it’s snowing, you go with a snowboard. No matter what, it is up to you to make it a good day.      

Similarly, do not bother about who is sitting around you right now. You make this a wonderful process of sitting with this person. This does not mean you have to sit with them forever. Everyone comes and goes. Either they come and go, or you come and go. Whoever is here, whatever is here – make the best out of it for now. If you have other choices, you can change, but the important thing is that you joyfully change. It should happen out of conscious choice, not out of compulsion, that because you cannot be here, you have to jump somewhere else. If you leave in such a state, wherever you go, you will be the same. If you do not know how to make it here, you do not know how to make it anywhere.

Culture Family Problems Turning Filth Fragrance solution

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